Life at home

As most of you know, I'm taking time off from work to be home with Branch. It's awesome, and I'm becoming completely spoiled. I can be with Branch any time of day or night, and he's with me. Period. He's in the swing tonight because he has a cold, and he has a hard time breathing through his nose laying down... We'll try again in the crib when he's better.

But. My day is his day, and his day is mine. We get up and play, then read a little, (well, I read) cuddles, nap a little, and get up in time to maybe run an errand, before Parker gets home from work for lunch. We eat and visit with Daddy, and then he's gone. It's back to just us again. Sometimes we go to Walmart, sometimes we go see Auntie Leah, or sometimes we just hang out at home and rest.

Some people say they don't remember what they did before they had babies. I don't think that way... I remember what I did, and I know that's not what I want to do anymore. I would lay around and watch Law and Order marathons for hours at a time, I would read entire books in a weekend, I would read Perez for 30 minutes and have a bowl of cereal for dinner. Nothing useful, nothing important. Now, the only time I have to myself is late at night, and I spend it sitting near Parker or Branch, usually, while they are sleeping.

I watch PBS Kids every morning with B. Not because I think he's learning anything, but just because it's easy on the ears and eyes of a little one while Mama brushes her teeth or gets dressed, etc. It's very soothing and grounding to watch Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. Had I known what a stress reliever Mr. Rogers can be, I would have started watching him again much sooner. That man really, really says what he means, and nothing more. It's very zen, if that's what zen means. My reason for saying all this is that I don't know if I've ever in my life tried so hard to be productive and useful for anyone as I am with Branch. I sing about the names of things going in and out of the dishwasher, I point out trees and birds and Cleos and Junes, I have read to him everyday since he came home from the hospital (except for Fripp, and maybe RRR), we even spent time in the Christmas department of Walmart today so B could see the lights and colors. I imagine synapes firing and connections being made, but I know it's probably wishful thinking most of the time.

I can't imagine not doing all this stuff come March when I go back to work. I hate that someone else will be doing these things and having these experiences with him at a daycare of some kind, and probably won't even care a millionth of what I would about any of it. I am grateful for what I have now, but am scared to death of what I'm going to miss. What I wouldn't give to be home with him until he is five. Some people say they are happy to get back to work once they've been at home. Those people are on crack. Being home is the best time I've ever had doing anything in my entire life.